Just An Average Day in the Home-School Store

(And trust me, I've been acquainted with a few of those in my time.) While trolling for science curriculum treasures, the scene unfolded before me:

Kids of all ages frolicked to and fro, at a ratio of six children for every adult. Babies, babies, babies shrieked wildly from all directions, crawling about the aisles, tyrannizing volumes of textbooks. Oh mothers, where art thou? A flock of big sisters swoop in to drag the little ones across the store back to Mom. Women scurried around in ankle-length denim skirts, waist-length hair tied back with a vintage 1980s hair clip. Two mothers bewailed the evils of public school: "They corrupt children; they practically brainwash them. Schools are so bad these days. I could never subject my kids to a place like that. And the teachers..."

Oh, the teachers!

A spy behind enemy lines, I quickly gathered my goods and crept away with the stealth of a cat.