Ice Queen

"Smile. Real beautiful women are supposed to always smile."

Abruptly distracted from the National Enquirer I had been perusing while standing in a grocery store line, the scowl on my face deepens; my thoughts are swirling.

First, it's "really beautiful" not "real beautiful"; I won't even broach the split infinitive issue. Grammatical crimes against humanity are not only a tragedy, but a turn-off! Second thought? Thanks for the compliment, but weirdos like you - who assail women with cheesy pick-up lines while shopping, trail them in dark parking lots, and stalk them while driving around town - doth make ice queens like me. Weirdos like you are the reason I have HPD on speed dial. Weirdos like you are the reason I have called HPD on numerous occasions. I don't bother with niceties anymore.

I look up directly at the offender, then deliberately return my gaze to my erudite commentary. He got the point.

Moral of the story: YOU DON'T KNOW ME. DON'T TALK TO ME.