Part 7: The Decision

From one man he made every nation of men, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live. God did this so that men would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from each one of us.(Acts 17:26-27)

Another installment of what my dad refers to as War and Peace.

Saturday

I didn't sleep well Friday night, to say the least. I wake up feeling exhausted and nauseated. I know exactly where I would like to go and I know it's not where I should go. I am supposed to have made my decision by 8am...it is 8:30.

8:30 I get ready, read my Bible, and pray. An email from a friend reassures me:

"Know that sometimes it doesn't matter which choice you make exactly, as long as you listen to God along the way... His work can be carried out in any of those countries!"

I head to the convention center. Lord, help me!

9:00 I visit for over an hour with the director of the school in Egypt about the school, lifestyle, and personal safety (for the parents' sake). I tell him I am not keen on teaching 5th grade and inquire about middle school opportunities. He offers me an 8th grade math/science position. A 6th grade science position has been offered, but not accepted yet. That sounds better (only 1 discipline to teach). Egypt sounds fantastic and I am feeling better.

10:00 I talk with the representative for the school in Abu Dhabi. However, we end up discussing Egypt; he thinks Cairo is wonderful.

10:30 I call my mom and have a phone conference discussing the pros and cons of each offer. Lebanon is my choice. Abu Dhabi is my parents' choice.

11:00 My dad calls me from Germany. The conversation goes exactly as expected: "Please do not go to Lebanon." Crap. The parents didn't change their minds as I prayed.

I ponder and I pray. Lebanon is PERFECT and I know it. Perfect grade, subject, school, language(s), culture, location, history. I want, I want, I WANT. Sometimes, God doesn't call us to PERFECT, though. I pray some more. I know what I must do and it kills me! I want to think some more. My decision comes down to honoring my parents. I knew they didn't want me to go there in the first place and I still pursued it. Such a prestigious school, it was a long-shot, yet I got an interview and an offer. I realize it would be really selfish of me to flout their advice. After all, I am not an island unto myself.

1:00 I over-deliberate. I hang out with members of the Four. They have worries of their own, wondering whether certain schools will come through with offers, or if they should accept less than optimal offers. We commiserate. Allison didn't get an offer from her top choice in Abu Dhabi. Ecuador offered her a position, but she isn't sure she wants it.

Through the window overlooking the exhibition hall, I notice the director of Egypt school interviewing applicant after applicant. I get nervous. Has dragging my feet cost me a job?

2:00 I attend school orientation sessions for Egypt and Abu Dhabi. Everything sounds great. I still have a pit in my stomach.

3:15 I slip into a school orientation session for Lebanon. It makes me want to cry! I've already made my mind and it's not exactly what I want.

3:30 I run into Rachel. She got an offer from her favorite school in Costa Rica!

3:45 Enough deliberation. I've decided. Not Abu Dhabi, but Egypt. I walk into the exhibition hall and over to the superintendent of the school. I will accept his offer- 8th grade math and science it is. I hope I don't regret this. I read through the terms of the contract and sign by the X.

4:15 Carrie accepts a job in Istanbul...an two-hour flight from Cairo!

5:15 I call mom and she hopes I've made a good decision. "Are you SURE this is where the Lord was leading you?" Well, gosh. I hope so. I turned down what I really wanted in favor of what I thought would honor God and my parents. Could I have thought, prayed, obsessed, prayed, obsessed, and obsessed any more? The ink is dry. There's no going back now. As we talk, the emotion and stress of the weekend- er, past five months- washes over me. My eyes tear up and I almost lose it...in the exhibition hall. (For those of you don't know, I never cry. I cried twice during 2007 and it was in church on the same day (December 9th).) I should be ecstatic and all I can do is wring my hands and wonder if I've just made a huge mistake.

6:30 Carrie and I go to the grocery store to stock up on some snacks. The Fabulous Four re-convenes for one last celebratory hurrah at Allison's hotel room. We uncork a bottle of wine and munch on our snacks to celebrate. Despite my emotional turmoil, the job fair was a relative success. We all return to our respective homes with international jobs or offers. However, it is the relationships we forged that made the experience worth every penny.

7:30 I pass out on one of the beds in the hotel room. I know what you're thinking, but I didn't even have so much as a sip of wine. The whole weekend was too much emotional stimulation.

*Dedicated to Lynn who currently teaches in Moscow. She provided much pre-fair advice and kindness in answering each and every one of my questions. Your help was invaluable, Lynn! Спасибо! (Thank you!)