You Know You're at the Cairo International Airport When...

1. You are dropped off only to be greeted by throngs of men and very young children hanging out or running to and fro (in the case of the children), but definitely not going anywhere in particular.

2. After a few minutes of wandering through the chaotic airport, you notice that you are sweating profusely. Oh, that's because the airport isn't air conditioned.

3. You breeze through the unmanned security check-point...no metal detector, no ID required, no questions asked.

4. You are the only person in the airport not smoking. In fact, you notice that a band of men seems to be puffing in front of the conspicuous NO SMOKING sign.

5. You take care not to awaken the individual monitoring the security "x-ray" machine who happens to be snoozing soundly.

6. The customs officer attempts a cheesy pick-up line: "You were born on a wonderful day. I have the same birthday as you." (Oh, I bet.)

7. You elbow your way through a mob of people waiting to clear passport control, instead of waiting in the logical lines that exist at passport control in other countries.

8. The man at passport control inspects your work visa and then accosts you ("Ooooh you are a very beautiful teacher.")

9. You pay some lady 1 EGP in order to use the airport bathroom.

10. "Baggage claim" is a chaotic nightmare of taxi drivers preying on weary travelers, carts being wheeled all over the place, various individuals grabbing bags in an attempt to "help" you, screaming children tearing across the conveyor belts, random men sitting around spying on Western women, Egyptian "officials" hollering at random people.

And that's when I know that I'm "home".